It was in the middle of my sleep last night, when I started this Dream.
A marriage (didn’t know exactly whose) was to take place & so, all the celebrations, laughter & decorations enveloped my dream background. The house was somewhat like my Masi’s. I was dressed up in a rich pink silk Kanjivaram (I don’t have a pink one), complete with all the Jewellery.
In one Room, Several Women folk stood by a table circling it, enjoying some snacks; in the other room my friends (school friends of my 1st school- Greenfields) were jostled & playing around. I go & stand with them. I saw them as if we were young, as in like in school time. I though was grown up! A nice song played by & I suddenly wanted to dance. No sooner I tried shaking my leg, I felt it was chained. I look down & of course it was chained. One of my then friend Bimal Narang, tried to pull the chain & warned me to stop. I managed to break free & moved back to the other room & try picking up a cup of tea. I felt in need to sit by myself in the corridor & sip the hot brew. As I re- entered the aunty’s room, one of them shouted me out. I disappointedly go to my Friends’ Room just to be asked to Go Out by yet another friend- Go Out..!!
I decided that enough was enough & that I should leave now. I removed the Saree Pin & rushed towards the Door when it occurred that I should better change. This saree & all the decked up do would weigh me down; I should change to something comfy that would help me in running around.. My Uncle came looking for me & demanded to know that what I was wanting to do. I told him that I must leave since no one wanted me around, to which he said that that was not the right time, I could go by morning. Which meant I would have had to attend to that ceremony- which I didn’t want to.. & I woke up.
Now, as I recall the Dream in the wake of daylight, & type this- it occurs to me that this friend who asked me to leave happened to be my 1st crush & so was I to him. That’s yet another story & that would take another Blog space. For now, nothing worked out with him & we are not in touch anymore. What he has done to me in real life was very similar to this Dream.
The gathering could have been- my both the masi, elder masis’s 2 daughter in laws & my Dear cousin Runa.
The woman, I think could be my Masi who didn’t help me by letting me stay with her when Ashok, my uncle had asked me to leave his house after my mom’s demise. She could also be my cousin, maybe this was she. After my Uncle’s wife had tricked me out of my home, I had started staying at a separate place. I used to visit masi on weekends. One such weekend, Runa & Jijaji came over to stay over at her mom’s place. She had gotten married in Nov- 96, a month after I had left my home. What a beautiful way I celebrated moms death anniversary in, by beginning to live as a homeless orphan. Dad went absconding years back. You could visit my Page- As I Am to check the details. Anyways, displeasure was pretty evident in her face & she didn’t speak with me. In front of everyone, she just looked through me. The next day, she sat me at the corridor Dining Table- where I had wanted to sit in my Dream & casually asked about my stay there. I told her that I come on weekends as it was to which she retorted that- Look Meena, I got married in haste so my parents could have some time to themselves; your presence here is only creating Distance between them. Silently, I had packed up my things & left for good, I dint wait for her parents to comeback from work. I dint see them for next 12 years, & when I did, I hurt them where they had least expected it.
Coming back to the Dream, the marriage could have been of my Uncle that I didn’t attend. Mom had expired only a few months back when he hurriedly got married in July leaving everyone thinking in the manner that was pretty shameful. As a protest against both the facts- mom’s demise & his awkwardly quick action; & the thoughts it generated in everyone’s mind, I had chosen to stay home & not accompany him to Agra. The clincher- when his in- laws came to Delhi soon after, they were surprised to learn about my existence in that House & that of mom before her death.
May be this Dream pointed out on something that I had missed to take note of for all these years. That besides Dad & Ashok, it was also Runa & Himanshu who had betrayed & disappointed me badly enough for me have dreamt of all of them in one sequence. Moreover, my having to leave Ashok’s house (forced upon by his wife) years back, was very much similar to what happened after a decade. I had tried seeking help of this useless crush at the later event & told him my gut feeling of the situation to come & its probable similarity to the earlier one. He remained cold blooded & proved himself to be a selfish man. Two years later the 2nd event happened in the similar fashion as the 1st one.
As I write this, it seems that this Dream summed up both the instances that happened at a gap of atleast 10 years to each other. Why I dreamt of this when I had not thought about either of them in the last few weeks is not understandable..!! My day was stressed because of Electricity & Internet problems but at the end of the day, I was contented & was not worried.
Woman & Mind; both continue to be an unresolved Mystery..!!