I was walking inside the classroom when I noticed Him around!
What was he doing there? Wasn’t he gone for all times when we met the last time? He had so made it obvious that he didn’t want me anywhere around him- even for times to come. Why was he sat there then- wearing that forlorn look? Did I see his eyes widening upon seeing me? I must be hallucinating..
I had quietly gone to my seat. I was only thinking of Him. Was he watching me from back?
He seemed to be gone soon. He wasn’t keeping well. I asked his friends about Him. Apparently he was not too well. He had gone to see a lady off to her place. He was tired of her too. Something just had not worked out between them. He was pressed between “seeing her off forever” and “whether that was the right thing to do”.
All’s fine- I mean it’s his “chosen” Life; he ought to be dealing with it himself. Then again, why did we bump into each other yet again..? Exactly when he was going through an “ending” phase? Are we destined to “meet” eventually as I always have felt? Are we so meant to be? Is this The time?
Deciding to stay Indifferent this time- no matter what, I had walked out of the class. I moved around, musing about how the two of us meet each other every few years, till he decides that he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet with me! How every time he builds up castles of hope in Me, only to be blown away with the wind of his cold response- almost insulting and demeaning! I wasn’t really wanting another stance of Me being left out (and alone) as an heartbroken girl- just yet again. I had had enough; I had anyways decided long back to stay completely Ignorant and Indifferent.
It is a nice little memory that we made while we were in our early teens- singing, teasing, assorting to childhood cruelty too at times. But what happened 5 years back is something that can’t be forgotten- much less easily. Him had left and left me completely devastated- twice over the impact. One, because I was already broken, and then he lost absolutely no efforts to shatter Me. I had barely stood upright over my things- his stance and response included. This was my turn now– I’ll play around this time.. I had decided.
Keeping my resolution in mind and very well composed outwardly; I stepped into the classroom. He was back. He was sat at that back bench almost lost in looking out for Me. I noticed how his eyes beamed up again. I ignored him.
As weird as dreams could be, he had then approached a girl to comb her hair (what??) Maybe he was wanting me to feel envious. Him brushed my back and hissed- I do up hair now and damn neat at that!! he didn’t say so actually- only I heard that in my mind. Combing her hair well, he had looked around. Some other girl called upon for his services.
Alright, he had made the 1st move. Maybe he was feeling awkward to strike a conversation. But he did brush past Me. It was the most lazy press that anybody had ever made against Me. It was both- to touch and feel too. It was just a glide and yet, his urge to stay pressed against Me, had traveled to my body.
I wanted him. I had anyways wanted him. Now was my opportunity too.
I stepped forward. Snatching his comb, I declared I wanted him to do my hair. “I want you to play with my hair. Style them with a new hair- cut.. Now!”
He was too glad to obey. All eyes were lifted in amusement. It seemed that they all were aware of our past clashes. They now watched eagerly what was to happen next. A few pair of eyes contained some questions too- they couldn’t believe upon what they were seeing.
Him had pressed himself really tight at my back. I could feel he was stood a little too close for any space to be left between us. He slid past my frame pretending to position himself. He had held the comb and had parted my hair through center to cut. But he was too busy to snip. I felt Him pressing his chest against my shoulders a little too greedily!
At that, I had leaned back..
I had wanted to savor Him and every moment of our togetherness. It didn’t matter who all watched us in that attempt. I was only wanting to lose all my mind and self, devouring our 1st ever expression of our Desires.
I now reclined on him and felt he too knew that. He then pressed me more towards him. In pretense to hold my head firm, he had pulled me towards him a little more. I could not stop myself from holding his left had. Realizing the staring eyes around, I had slid my fingers over his hand- telling Him that “I wanted a nice hair- cut.. a brand new one!” When all I was wanting was to hold his hand, turn back at him..
My Intuition of “we” hitting off again, had become reality. A very beautiful one at that. This was the time I had been waiting for. Just when he would want to savor our relationship; I’ll do what I have been wanting to. To “play” to the gallery without getting emotionally involved.
Maybe an affair is all that is meant to be and not any conclusion.. I have ended up in an emotional mess many times over- when he had left me alone. Hence, this time, I would only “play” and leave it at that, instead of taking our relationship to any fulfillment. I won’t let some “fate” decide for me. I will play around the way I want to now.
Either ways, It suits me..
Maybe it’s about time that we meet again. We are bound to hit it off like ignited gun- powder. He would certainly make advances to break the “pattern” this time. He would express his want for me and to attain fulfillment in each other. It would be then entirely upto Me this time- how I would want to take it further.
Oh, I would.. play around real close..!!