Not again..!

..

..

I sit here completely dumb,
Numbed by the loss of words.
That smile has now left my face,
Emotions are gone for a vacation..

Anticipation of what’s going to hit-
Is making my heart pound harder!
I feel scared thinking of the adversities..
Really, is there any more left to touch Me..?

The articles on my desktop-
Are as lifeless as my own self.
Watching the blank walls-
While the walls stare back at them blankly!

I don’t wish to start yet another voyage..
On storming sea; against a rough weather:
How many more feathers to lose-
In order to balance my survival through?

..

 

Smelt by 2 Snakes

I was sat with that beautiful girl.

She once stayed in the same Society as that of mine in Chetna Apartments in IP Extension. This was in the year 1991 perhaps. 2 of my school friends Rakhi and Shikha had also come over for a re- union. Why the 4 of us met on the same table is not very understandable. The 2 school friends didn’t know who that other girl was. Chatting over many common topics, I realized the 2 school mates had gone missing, and I was left with that girl talking about how it was back then in our Housing Society.

We talked about her crush Deepak too!

She had a huge crush on this guy who rest of the girls thought was good for nothing. He didn’t look good, couldn’t speak well or even wasn’t any academics star. Then again, none of the guys in my apartments were. Excepting the guy who I liked was damn handsome. It was his parents sadly who had conspired with Samanta- my uncle to push me out of my house. Liking him was only based upon how good- looking he was- and nothing much. Neither him, nor his parents ever knew that it ever was that way- unless one of my friends had told over. It was more like to gossip amongst friends instead of really appreciating or longing to meet someone.

Just when we were chatting out loud, I shrieked out in scare.

Sssssnake!! Snake!!

This girl had worn an off shoulder in satin gold color alongwith an off- white bottom. She was all spread over the length of the bed, dangling her hand towards the entrance door when I had spotted those crawlies from the other side. I was sat leaning on the wall by her side. 2 black snakes had coiled inside the room through the entrance. Their hood was up and were raised till the height of the bed we were sat upon. They were abnormally huge. It looked that they would crawl upon the bed in no time. They didn’t behave snake like- instead looked as if instigated against us.

I woke up.

It felt warm and highly uncomfortable. I had as if paralyzed in my bed. Although none of those had been able to touch either of us, I was frozen inside my quilt. Not as in icy cold- but as in rock solid. I wouldn’t know if I had actually shrieked, but I had gasped certainly; since my mouth was still open. I do dream of snakes but never have been as scared as how I was in my last night’s or this early morning’s dream. I haven’t dreamt of snakes chasing me ever- much less being bitten or scared of those.

I have offered a pair of silver snakes twice- at different times, in my life time.

Technically, that should have taken care of this “astrological defect”. It seems it was only after Hemant’s family had insisted to give away those silver creatures that this issue has become grave. Before that I never had dreamt anything of snakes. Yet again, I had floated a pair away in River Ganges on certain astrologer’s insistence. I have been dreaming of these semi mythical creatures (as they are in India here), however had never felt this scared.

I am still composed though.

The simple fact that I had dozed off soon thinking of what all I would write in the post, clues towards an auspicious initiation instead of any evil end. It had taken about 10 minutes for me to turn towards the ceiling, since I was much under shock- figuring out what had hit me. No sooner I had tossed to my left, my body temperature had dropped. My eye- lids were anyways heavy. They had kept drawing themselves like the curtains after the drama is over.

Before dozing off, thinking of the words and sentences for this post; I had pulled out that copper ring I had worn. I’ll try and observe for a few more nights if that ring has to do anything with my dreaming snakes!

Then again, were they trying to tell me something..?

Decimal Identity

A dot is not a “full stop”.
It concludes all that needs to end,
Making a place for the new one to begin.
It is the Period to change over!

Too many of those make it hazy,
Lack of any expresses clarity.
Often it says there’s more that would follow-
This is just the Beginning!

All big objects appear as “specks”-
If you were to travel in space and watch.
The Sun, the Moon, the Stars, the Planets
They all appear as “Dots” from a distance!

An atom is not the last one,
It contains some more “Particles” in it.
We may discover a few more inside those-
A complete Universe within a jot!

“Do you see my point?”

Submitted for Theme Thursday

Mom’s Blessings for the New Year

15th January, 2011

My mom was sat in an open veranda with a bowlful of uncooked white rice in a winnowing basket. When I stepped near her, she gestured me to sit there waiting for some ritual. She took out a grain of rice that was broken half- asking me if that was perfect. I didn’t know for what though.

She took a metal bowl and wiped my feet with the water.

Although a confirmed atheist; the family, belief or community I “come from”, elders don’t touch the young ones’ feet. This is quite contrary to Punjabi and a few more Hindu culture, where the minor girls are worshiped on Navratri days. Their feet is cleansed and touched to obtain blessings. Besides offering food prepared in clarified butter, they are also given other gifts and money to take away. With the modernization of the cultural traditions, a lot of things have been added up for the purpose of showing off!

She did that a couple of times till my uncle appeared from somewhere!

Despite my stopping her, she went on doing that lost in her own oblivion. I could barely understand what she was upto. First she cleaned my feet with water. Then she took some rice grain and placed them on my feet in the way as we apply cream. They were wet by soaking. She repeated the procedure with water again till the rice grains were washed away.

I stopped my uncle when he had barely started to imitate the act.

He was my “best friend” in my growing up years. He happens to be my cousin maternal uncle. Whatever loss I have survived because of him; I have come to not like him anymore. I have lost my mom, my home and my childhood to two men- namely my dad and uncle. So when he had tried to wash my feet, I had stopped him. He had turned red with embarrassment and left.

Today

I am perplexed thinking about whatever I have dreamt of. Very clearly the dream is current dated. I lost my mom when I was 17. The situations I dreamt of reflected upon my mental status as on date. I do not hate anyone anymore; but for sure, the hurt I have received and then suffered of till last year, can not be meted out. Ever since I have started to blog, the realizations have grown me up. I no longer look back and sigh. Instead, I smile in smirk.

I decided that I no longer wish to portray myself as a victim or the sufferer.

I don’t give a damn anymore. I don’t carry the hurt anymore. I don’t cry tears recalling how things have been to me. Pests are only gotten rid of. Something that I had done the moment I was left to handle my life on my own after losing my mom. I had vowed to myself to emerge as a successor instead of a survivor. Besides my having to handle my Life in the best possible manner; I have started to write about all of that.

I don’t wince anymore.

I love to take myself back to the “lost years” without feeling the pain I had gone through while in that period. Perhaps, I have learnt to “LIVE”. I am vindicated; yet, very much at peace! Paradox..? Yes.. That’s how I have always been. I have come to do Image Makeovers with 100% perfection. Guess, I have done that to my own individual self and now have perfected my present day lifestyle.

Maybe Mom celebrated my Win.

My Dream Washroom

I had sketched my Dream washroom some 14 years back. I had carried the “blue print” of the same for years. I just realized that I have seen that no more after 2006. Here is the same concept (with a very little edit) of the original theme. Of course this looks better than the 1st idea. Not many accessories could be placed- software limitations!

Enjoy the walk view.. 🙂

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