Mom’s Blessings for the New Year

15th January, 2011

My mom was sat in an open veranda with a bowlful of uncooked white rice in a winnowing basket. When I stepped near her, she gestured me to sit there waiting for some ritual. She took out a grain of rice that was broken half- asking me if that was perfect. I didn’t know for what though.

She took a metal bowl and wiped my feet with the water.

Although a confirmed atheist; the family, belief or community I “come from”, elders don’t touch the young ones’ feet. This is quite contrary to Punjabi and a few more Hindu culture, where the minor girls are worshiped on Navratri days. Their feet is cleansed and touched to obtain blessings. Besides offering food prepared in clarified butter, they are also given other gifts and money to take away. With the modernization of the cultural traditions, a lot of things have been added up for the purpose of showing off!

She did that a couple of times till my uncle appeared from somewhere!

Despite my stopping her, she went on doing that lost in her own oblivion. I could barely understand what she was upto. First she cleaned my feet with water. Then she took some rice grain and placed them on my feet in the way as we apply cream. They were wet by soaking. She repeated the procedure with water again till the rice grains were washed away.

I stopped my uncle when he had barely started to imitate the act.

He was my “best friend” in my growing up years. He happens to be my cousin maternal uncle. Whatever loss I have survived because of him; I have come to not like him anymore. I have lost my mom, my home and my childhood to two men- namely my dad and uncle. So when he had tried to wash my feet, I had stopped him. He had turned red with embarrassment and left.

Today

I am perplexed thinking about whatever I have dreamt of. Very clearly the dream is current dated. I lost my mom when I was 17. The situations I dreamt of reflected upon my mental status as on date. I do not hate anyone anymore; but for sure, the hurt I have received and then suffered of till last year, can not be meted out. Ever since I have started to blog, the realizations have grown me up. I no longer look back and sigh. Instead, I smile in smirk.

I decided that I no longer wish to portray myself as a victim or the sufferer.

I don’t give a damn anymore. I don’t carry the hurt anymore. I don’t cry tears recalling how things have been to me. Pests are only gotten rid of. Something that I had done the moment I was left to handle my life on my own after losing my mom. I had vowed to myself to emerge as a successor instead of a survivor. Besides my having to handle my Life in the best possible manner; I have started to write about all of that.

I don’t wince anymore.

I love to take myself back to the “lost years” without feeling the pain I had gone through while in that period. Perhaps, I have learnt to “LIVE”. I am vindicated; yet, very much at peace! Paradox..? Yes.. That’s how I have always been. I have come to do Image Makeovers with 100% perfection. Guess, I have done that to my own individual self and now have perfected my present day lifestyle.

Maybe Mom celebrated my Win.

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14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ladynimue
    Jan 21, 2011 @ 13:54:15

    You sure are a very strong lady ! Proud to have known you ! waiting to meet you soon !

    Hugs !

    Reply

  2. trisha
    Jan 17, 2011 @ 20:17:28

    you gave those painful memories there right name= pests, parasites, that are sucking your today’s happiness. cleanse them.

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jan 18, 2011 @ 01:57:22

      Hey Trisha, the men in my life so far have been the pests! I do carry the memories- but manage to remain un- affected..
      Thank you for understanding me so well.. xx

      Reply

  3. Life: Between the lines
    Jan 16, 2011 @ 20:50:51

    A zen state of uncaring…I like!!! πŸ™‚ Have a great weekend!

    Reply

  4. Scent of my heart
    Jan 16, 2011 @ 18:29:37

    Be blessed dear! Have a beautiful Sunday!

    Reply

  5. Priyanka Mahanta Pandiyan
    Jan 16, 2011 @ 15:24:14

    Very nicely written, Olivia. Keep up the good work.

    Reply

  6. April
    Jan 16, 2011 @ 15:21:05

    The one’s who fall and rise from the deepest slumber of pain are indeed the survivors. You, my love are one of the rarest breed who chose to fight back everything despite the odds.
    Loved the flow of each word. You amaze me with your powerful emotions but then you always have.

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jan 16, 2011 @ 16:15:47

      My Dear Dew,

      Indeed it feels special that you read it and offered your warm wishes.. πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much for stopping by.. Plan a Friday soon.. It’s long and over due.. πŸ˜‰
      Love always πŸ˜€
      xox

      Reply

  7. varuna
    Jan 16, 2011 @ 14:41:24

    i just love u di….this was very heart touching but i know olivia is very strong and im lucky to have her in my life……….

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jan 16, 2011 @ 16:19:10

      Hey Varuna,
      So sweet of you to have said whatever you wrote here.. I am glad too to have you in my life.. You have made Superna’s wedding very memorable by your presence.. We were practically together for most of the time.. πŸ™‚ Come to think of it. You are my best friend’s sister-in-law’s daughter.. phewww!! Some “distanced” relationship; yet joined by your love and belongingness.. πŸ˜€

      Sending you heaps of good wishes.. xox

      Reply

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