Not again..!

..

..

I sit here completely dumb,
Numbed by the loss of words.
That smile has now left my face,
Emotions are gone for a vacation..

Anticipation of what’s going to hit-
Is making my heart pound harder!
I feel scared thinking of the adversities..
Really, is there any more left to touch Me..?

The articles on my desktop-
Are as lifeless as my own self.
Watching the blank walls-
While the walls stare back at them blankly!

I don’t wish to start yet another voyage..
On storming sea; against a rough weather:
How many more feathers to lose-
In order to balance my survival through?

..

 

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48 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ALIVE aLwaYs
    Jun 23, 2011 @ 21:09:42

    whenever someone pitches in a suggestion “to start over”, rejection is the first thought that comes to my mind. I don’t want to lose what I have achieved till date (even if it’s nothing), I only remember my hard work in the journey and when you remember that, it’s hard to let go, a very generalized feeling in life “Not Again!”.
    Great write Olivia!

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jun 24, 2011 @ 19:17:58

      May I say- you read the essence just exactly how it was meant to be?
      Indeed when you walk a mile you don’t wish to lose all that you may have collected even though when you may end up realizing that it was nothing but dirt.. then again, you would have to walk another couple of miles before you know that! Wait, do we want to.. sure?

      Thank you for this kind comment. Exactly this was what had germed my mind when I had written this one! Thank you yet again!!!
      Hugs xox

      Reply

  2. C Rose
    Jun 23, 2011 @ 17:08:21

    The cycle of life tests can tear us to nothing. I like to think of it as the Universal way of erasing our canvas to start a new picture. Like a giant etch a sketch as it were. You captured the grief, anxiety and frustration well here, emotive piece ~ Rose

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jun 24, 2011 @ 19:20:41

      Thank you Rose!
      Indeed I was much crushed under those feelings – you have named here. It was just so scary to try out a new thing. Today when the things have changed a bit; it still makes me anxious when I look back upon what a dead phase that it was.. Things are beginning to look up. Will soon write about those here!

      Weekend Hugs xox

      Reply

  3. Henry Clemmons
    Jun 23, 2011 @ 09:07:01

    Wow, an emotional ride. This one bled truth and pain and hope that hope was still about and willing. Olivia, Olivia your writing lives. Very NICE!

    http://henryclemmonspoet.blogspot.com/2011/06/self-portrait.html

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jun 24, 2011 @ 19:40:26

      geeeee…….Thank you so much Henry!
      I was going through a phase then.. still sailing.. yet to hit the banks but atleast I have directed my sails.. 🙂
      Weekend hugs xox

      Reply

  4. Belinda
    Jun 23, 2011 @ 01:11:45

    I can feel the desperation in every word. You do sad so well!

    Reply

  5. Raivenne
    Jun 23, 2011 @ 00:48:07

    Lovely yet foreboding…

    The ubiquitous “they” say the Gods try the ones they love most. Still, when going through yet another of life’s trial one can’t help but wish for a little more of the tribulations. May whatever this to shall pass as quickly as possible.

    Pax

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jun 26, 2011 @ 10:09:27

      Thank you Pax!!
      It’s almost over now.. the 1st phase of transition. Now I see the 2nd phase switching on.. I am liking the developments. This is what had made me go uncomfortable. Quite miraculously, things are falling at their places on their own!
      God…. well, I guess he is that biased manager who just prefers me to do the fire-fighting.. hahaha

      Sunday Hugs Dear One xox

      Reply

  6. Trevor
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 19:12:21

    All life’s journeys are as unique as we are individual. I hope this journey proves successful even though you may not want to take it.
    Great read which I thoroughly enjoyed.

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jun 26, 2011 @ 10:10:51

      Thank you Trevor!

      Yes, I was skeptical. It’s beginning to un-haze now.. perhaps, it would be my last of the transitions.. AMEN to that!!
      I am already on that “journey” and I am loving it!!

      Sunday Hugs xoxox

      Reply

  7. Daydreamertoo
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 17:57:36

    And, of course, the astrologer may well be wrong! Any big change is scary but it is all a part of our lifes unfolding. Don’t fight it, just try and relax and go with the flow, its always easier. Big changes are sometimes monumental to us but, they do tend to shape our lives, mostly for the better. Think positive thought and bring positive energy to you. Hoping things won’t be anywhere near as bad as you think they may be.

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jun 26, 2011 @ 10:31:01

      Thank you for your wishes DayDreamer!
      The phase is towards its end now. Let’s just say I brought this whole thing down on me. I wanted a change and yet was (am) scared of losing what I have right now cause that would affect my state of survival. It’s all turning out slowly towards yet another big change. Hopefully I will succeed and not just survive.
      I am on a roller coaster ride.. 😀

      Sunday Hugs xox

      Reply

  8. ayala
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 17:42:42

    Moving and sad .

    Reply

  9. Becky
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 05:45:08

    You get me with those purple skulls everytime I log on!!
    This is really an interesting poem — nicely woven together. I’m sure it will all come together nicely for you!

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jun 26, 2011 @ 10:32:28

      Thank you Becky!
      Indeed, it is turning out in a very vivid manner! Of course there are massive changes but am getting used to the new life now. Thankfully, the basics haven’t gotten affected… 🙂

      Sunday Hugs xoxox

      Reply

  10. Kim Nelson
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 05:41:19

    Olivia~
    This one rings of despair. I see you battling the serpents and winning. Can you see it too?

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jun 26, 2011 @ 10:40:43

      Thank you Kimmie!

      A few of those serpents have been sent back for their lives.. a few more left.. I will definitely win over since I have your wishes now… Thank you again!! 🙂
      Sunday hugs xoxoxox

      Reply

  11. liv2write2day
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 04:57:36

    Ooooh. First of all, dump the astrologer. In the American Indian tradition, the snake totem is an totem of transformation and positive growth. It is a good totem, although I prefer not to run into one outside. :0). Second, you have the courage to face whatever lies ahead, and the positive attitude. Remember, childbirth is painful but when new life emerges, wonderful things are waiting for you. And some things we just don’t understand.
    Love to you.

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jun 26, 2011 @ 10:45:38

      lolss

      Thanks Victoria.. Your words fill me up with courage! Perhaps I keep undermining myself.. I promise would not let go of what I have ventured out to earn. Not anymore! A couple of snakes did hiss at me in my dream and my transition had started…

      Thank you so much for telling me how I am — am I really the way you have described? Thank you once again for making me see it that way! Definitely, there are things we don’t understand.

      Sunday hugs xoxox

      Reply

  12. Heaven
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 04:29:05

    What an eye catching picture….

    Loved this line best – Really, is there any more left to touch Me..?

    We survive because we are strong. Hope everything works out well for you~

    Reply

  13. dustus
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 03:32:44

    Emotive lines made sharp through questioning.
    “I don’t wish to start yet another voyage..
    On storming sea; against a rough weather:”
    Can relate… still one must voyage onward. And that takes great courage and resolve. Moving poem.

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jun 24, 2011 @ 20:00:58

      Yes…………….. that’s precisely why I have taken the sails high in a direction!
      Thank you for your kind words Dustus.. Weekend hugs xox

      Reply

  14. brian
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 03:25:02

    but what is the option…to sit life out…live it and let those scars be your badges …emotive write olivia

    Reply

  15. Uneven Stephen
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 03:11:51

    Heavy. The phrase “The articles on my desktop- Are as lifeless as my own self.” especially strikes me. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply

  16. G-Man
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 02:38:27

    If you were from Bolivia
    You’d be olivia from Bolivia…
    That would be kinda cool.
    Cheer up Olivia from India

    Reply

  17. Kavita
    Jun 22, 2011 @ 02:36:35

    Although I am reading this one for the second time, it still holds the same gripping nature as the first time…
    I even felt a tug.. of reality… it gave me a good shake really!

    And yet, this time, I sense a change… for the better… and the same for you too, sweetiez!!
    You very know what I mean… 😉

    HUGS!!!

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jun 26, 2011 @ 22:15:36

      Thanks Kavs…
      You being with me all this while helped me a great deal! No matter what; you made me smile each time I went sad.. 🙂
      Indeed, I was expecting a change and was hoping that to be as tender as it could be.. Change is big but breaking on me softly!

      Thank you one more time girl.. Big Bear Hugs to you too xoxoxoxo

      Reply

  18. trisha
    Feb 01, 2011 @ 19:34:13

    some lives are endless journey.

    Reply

  19. Kavita
    Feb 01, 2011 @ 01:25:41

    Ack!! This was a sad and moving one, Liv… but then again, we all have such days that are utterly BLAH!!!!
    I hear ya, girl… But knowing you, I am pretty darned sure that smile will find its way back on your face…
    Wishing you the BESTEST of times ahead!!
    xoxoxo

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Feb 02, 2011 @ 23:01:22

      Kavz Dear,
      I am trying to distract myself in some or the other constructive manner. It seems I am banging myself up on the invisible walls of hopelessness! There’s this bit of restlessness that has crept in- exactly how it does before any major change in my Life n Lifestyle..

      Fingers Crossed..
      Thank you for your wishes xx

      Reply

  20. Angela Cohan
    Jan 31, 2011 @ 21:16:49

    Very well written–don’t despair….

    Reply

  21. Scent of my heart
    Jan 31, 2011 @ 01:28:58

    Keep your head up Liv. All falls into place sooner or later. Let’s hope for the soon part! Hugs!

    Reply

  22. ghosterb
    Jan 29, 2011 @ 22:45:21

    I hope he is wrong Olivia. I hope all your days in 2011 are bright, happy ones!

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jan 29, 2011 @ 22:53:35

      Mwaahh!!
      I am hoping the same- I am not as superstitious however somewhat intuitive.. So far I’m just feeling good, a change is definitely about to hit me- it’s the repercussions that worries me often. As of now my mind is blank- can’t see much beyond a certain point..

      Thanks for your wishes..! 🙂

      Reply

  23. ghosterb
    Jan 29, 2011 @ 22:26:05

    I know the feeling my friend! Very nicely done!

    Reply

    • Olivia
      Jan 29, 2011 @ 22:33:35

      Thanks for understanding..
      I dreamt of snakes chasing me the other day.. Talked to one of the astrologers on phone today.. He says it’s my 6th sense warning me against something terrible that is to hit me soon!!

      Reply

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