I Dream of Me..


Previous- I Dream of Oldman..!!

This one actually turns out to be I Dream of Oldman..!! Part- II

Yesterday was Janamashathami. It is celebrated as Lord Krishna’s Birth Anniversary. I was fasting 😀

I had slept at 2.00 in the night (or early morning).. I had pressed this post. While compiling that one, I had also prepared to press this one. I had made this observation some may be 20 years ago.. What I mean is, I was perfectly balanced before dozing off.

Or may be I was not..!!

3rd September, 2010. 8.30am

I dreamt of this in 2 parts.

Part- I

I wandered around some unknown corridors. Class- mates of both the schools were around. I could recognize all faces but not remember them. A teacher had then pointed out on a standard higher than mine, for me to go and sit. I had thought, “wow, so this time, I am being promoted..!!”

Part- II

I was sat with Nitika Sabharwal (my GFPS class- mate, untrace-able), when my Boss- look alike approached us and had wanted both of us to hear what the “Evil Soul” had to say. He had held a steel tiffin out to us. Some jelly like substance was filled in that flat pitcher- shaped lunch- box.

(I do have 2 of those)

He had wanted us to hurry up since he had “called- upon” that soul only for a minute. That man had then rolled his eyes up to “link”. My friend had placed her fingers on the blob and asked “what’s wrong..?” A few reactions had feathered her face. The man asked her to talk in some other language than English. He also nudged me to place my palm on that substance; reminding me that he had only a minute..

I had touched the blob. I had felt tingling sensation in my fingers. It was warm and moving. It had small sparks of electric current as if alive! I asked in Bangla- “since when..?“. I heard a woman sobbing. Crying in a for- lorn manner. I pressed my fingers hard and asked her to bare it all. To speak up whatever she had wanted to.. asking her what her problem was. The sobbing had continued. The voice didn’t speak a word. Only moaned and mourned.

A minute was over, the contact was lost. A song floated on the radio nearby- “tu muskura, jahan bhi hai tu muskura..”

Translation- You smile wherever you maybe; just smile”

My dream ended.

Was this me? Again?

The same jelly like throbbing mass.. inside a flat pitcher like container. I used to dream of an oldman taking “me” out from a scare-crow (small pitcher made of mud) and float “my soul” in the flowing water. This time, the pitcher was shining steel. There was no water. Neither did anyone take that “soul” out. Instead, had only “linked” and communicated. I had still  seen myself wandering in the corridor. I was not made to vacate the building; instead, given a standard raise.

Her “voice” had sobbed no end. I could hear her moan. Some broken sounds she had made that she may have tried to “speak”. I could sense her helplessness. As if she was pressed and caged. She definitely wanted to free herself and had not known of any way to do that.

But why was she EVIL? Why was I addressed as Evil?

The song at the last was just apt- “to smile wherever you may be..”

The message is clear- Speak up, Don’t Cry and Smile.



Clue to my Survival

18th March, 1989

Remember that serial named Fauji? It used to be telecast-ed on Wednesdays Prime Time at DD- Metro, back then? Yeah, Shah Rukh Khan had debuted his acting career with that particular one.

Maybe this remained at the back of my mind when I dreamt of this:

I was playing in my GFPS ground. I had worn my school uniform- white shirt and sky blue skirt. The belt and no tie. I didn’t use to wear one. It was exempted for me. I ran around on the compound where the K.G and 1st standard classes were. After we moved to the “new building” as it was referred to as, those adjoining classes were gone.

Running around after Himanshu, I had suddenly heard a Jet Plane. I even saw it dropping a bomb (?!!!?) I had ran towards him and pushed him afar. No points for guessing- the bomb had exploded on me 😀

I didn’t die though..

The same evening, I was invited to his Uncle’s place for his B’de celebration. We had watched the movie QSQT that was released the same year. That had also ended on a tragic note. Somewhat on a similar note. First Juhi (Rashmi) gets hit with a bullet and then Aamir (Raj) kills himself over her. Oh yes, I had sat crying there as well!!

What a sentimental fool I have been..

I had excused myself to wash. His mom had asked me if all was well..!! A detailed one of his B’de Bash would be included in my Biopic Log shortly. Just that recalling of my childhood time spent with him, puts me into the same long lost Love mood again. I was all of 12 back then.

I guess, this dream was a clue of the forthcoming stances. Things that have made me go indifferent, the cold blooded way.. That no matter how much I may be running after Himanshu; he would never be with me. And that he would surely “escape”; should I be wanting any help.

Yet, I would survive.

I have; how else would you be reading this otherwise..??

Wandering about in Loneliness

Ever since that I have started Blogging, I have been dreaming less. In the initial days; I wasn’t sleeping for most of the time- hence no dreams. I have started sleeping “over” for real good long hours over a month now. Some random and abstract images did fill my dream palette up; but nothing that could write about.

I have been searching for a few friends that I have lost contact. Some still to be located- Ranu Arora, Anjum Bharti and Shalu Bhola.

Though I was able to trace Anjum up; I haven’t been able to speak with her. This is what I dreamt of, the day I was able to hear her scream “OMG” upon my asking her if she had stayed in Vijay Nagar while pursuing her Graduation from Zakir Hussain. So much so for spending the whole day calling up SIFAS. The previous day, I was able to track Ranu Uniyal down; they were room- mates back then..!!

Ranu had been able to recall of me. I had only spent a couple of months together with them. She was enrolled in English Hons 2nd year with DU. She has made it big too.. She writes for Balaji Telefilms- WOW!! I am impressed- isn’t that a matter of to be? That’s where I got a clue of Anjum having turned into a Dance Instructor.

I googled her up and found out her where- abouts. I also happen to come across a “link” and saw that that was posted in Facebook by one of her students. I had sent her a FB message and logged out for the day.

The following night a dreamt of this..

I wandered in an unknown terrain where huge monuments and forts stood tall. Red bricks and stained glass “fort doors” stood all around. They looked almost like huge Mirrors made of red bricks. One would discover the colored glass in the centre when walking alongside. It was like a mix of serene, majestic and colorful view often shown in fairy tales. Huge rocks lay over the barren grounds.

After much walking and discovering those magnanimous towers, I approached a fort which was made of white stones. At the back of my mind it looked as if Lotus Temple was reworked with joints, pillars and colored glass. I was mused and thought that that should have been left un- experimented.

When I entered the building, I found myself standing in a huge hall that was carpeted from wall to wall. Mustard and Red colored thick velvet covered the floor. I saw Madhavi standing- who? Someone who was named as Madhavi.

I do know someone by that name but this was not she..!! Further then, I saw myself crying holding her. I was filled with a sense of loss and she was smiling- not at me though. I heard knocks on my door and woke up.

The day had gone by without much activity. I had kept calling Anjum’s institute and her handphone throughout the day, without much success. In the evening, I had received a reply from the girl who I had sent a FB message for tracking Anjum the day before. She liked that how I had still remembered “her teacher” after all those years.. She too had tried to speak with her but without any response.

I had felt sad.. I would have loved to boast about Anjum; that I would anyways. Only, now they would be a thing of past. I noticed then, that her student’s name was Madhavi. So apparently, my dream was a pre- cognitive premonition?

I would have loved joining with her, yet again. If she had let me to; i.e.,

I had met her the day I had never talked about to anyone. I have carried that hurt for long now, wish to write them across soon. She had made me forget all that in an instant. Like a lightening, she had struck me with smiles and laughter. She had forcibly made me stay with her for the night too. I owe her. I would have probably shattered into minuscule particles had I not met her that day.

I held my tears back and did some self- medication. I would still remember of her the way I did before that; only, I won’t talk about her as gladly as I used to. Infact, I won’t at all..

Afternote: I have been able to locate Ranu Uniyal soon enough. Presently, in touch with her.

How Mom celebrated my Birthday

This was when I worked with Baxy Infosol. I reported to Rachana in Toucan Mobile process. She is amongst the few shells that I could collect from a workplace where my tenure was very short as compared to other workplaces.

It was in June on 22nd night or 23rd early morning that I dreamt of this:

It was my Birthday (it falls in the month of August; why on earth I was dreaming of it in June remains a mystery). Even in dream, I was pretty aware of this fact that it was supposedly after a couple of months and not then. Yet mom (I had lost her many years back- but dreamt of her to be alive) was fluttering around everywhere possible to arrange for a Birhday Cake for me. I did ask her a few times what was she upto looking up for Bakery House cards; she didn’t reply and shooed me away 😦 I sadly coiled up in my room wondering why was Ma at all trying to look for a cake when my Birthday was no where around, not anytime soon.

She had spent the whole day searching the catalogues and calling up the bakery shops for a cake. Nirulas’ was apparently closed that day (!) She was now herself becoming a little upset on her inability to surprise me- since I had found out that she was trying to order a cake to surprise me; and she was unable to order one too. At the end of the day, she came to me and said, “My Dear, I have arranged a cake for you.. You just need to wait for some time..”

I woke up with mixed feelings; as confusing of them as I had felt while dreaming. Never the less, I dressed up and sat in my cab at 2pm for my evening shift. While I was walking through the walkway of the 2nd entrance gate- Harsh Israni (he worked with me as a Trainer in Convergys too) wished me “Happy Birthday”. Boy! was I Surprised. He didn’t believe when I told him it wasn’t the day. By the evening, we had all gathered up in the cafeteria for yet another colleague’s birthday. So far so good- “Mom had arranged for a cake for me”, I thought. Wait, till you read more.

They all sang “Happy Birthday to Olivia..!!??!!” and clapped and cheered while I was asked to blow out the candle on a very prettily decorated Strawberry Cake. I was as clueless as you are now. The other boy who was told that it was my birthday to walk him to cafeteria to surprise him, since his day was also being celebrated, had almost run out of cafeteria- Vipul Mongia, I guess. Reason being, it wasn’t his birthday as well; it was supposedly in December!!

The cake Rachana had ordered was very beautiful and different. It was not one of those regular ones; seemed it was ordered from a different place. It had all burgundy pink colored decorations sat on the icing- it was a very Royal Treatment to say the least. Harsh gave me a really annoying look at that.

After celebrating “My Birthday” as if it really were, I musingly narrated my dream to Rachana and one of my colleagues, Bhavna. Rachana was honored to say the least since it was she who got the cake as mom had wanted to in my Dream..!! Bhavana was surprised; so was I. They had all been trying to book a surprise on a different date..!!

  • Thanks Rachana..

Wonderfully, Rachana again celebrated my birthday in August; on 11th when it actually is..

In reality, mom could never run around to get anything for me and was only left to wait till dad or uncle got anything– if at all they did i.e., She wasn’t in a physical state to travel and arrange for anything. Financially, she wasn’t independent. She always said, “Celebrate such days once you start earning so you would not have to be on anyone’s mercy to enjoy any day that you so want. That ways, any day you could order for a cake and celebrate your day as Birthday or Christmas- whichever”. She was obstinate about this to an extent that she did not let me receive any gifts from my friends in later years. Yes, I felt bad- but now, I understand why this was so; very well.

Mom had not only arranged for the cake, but also made sure that my Birthday too was celebrated..

  • Thanks Ma..

2006- I was born; yet again on 23rd June..

My In- Mind Whirls Writes

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