Wandering about in Loneliness

Ever since that I have started Blogging, I have been dreaming less. In the initial days; I wasn’t sleeping for most of the time- hence no dreams. I have started sleeping “over” for real good long hours over a month now. Some random and abstract images did fill my dream palette up; but nothing that could write about.

I have been searching for a few friends that I have lost contact. Some still to be located- Ranu Arora, Anjum Bharti and Shalu Bhola.

Though I was able to trace Anjum up; I haven’t been able to speak with her. This is what I dreamt of, the day I was able to hear her scream “OMG” upon my asking her if she had stayed in Vijay Nagar while pursuing her Graduation from Zakir Hussain. So much so for spending the whole day calling up SIFAS. The previous day, I was able to track Ranu Uniyal down; they were room- mates back then..!!

Ranu had been able to recall of me. I had only spent a couple of months together with them. She was enrolled in English Hons 2nd year with DU. She has made it big too.. She writes for Balaji Telefilms- WOW!! I am impressed- isn’t that a matter of to be? That’s where I got a clue of Anjum having turned into a Dance Instructor.

I googled her up and found out her where- abouts. I also happen to come across a “link” and saw that that was posted in Facebook by one of her students. I had sent her a FB message and logged out for the day.

The following night a dreamt of this..

I wandered in an unknown terrain where huge monuments and forts stood tall. Red bricks and stained glass “fort doors” stood all around. They looked almost like huge Mirrors made of red bricks. One would discover the colored glass in the centre when walking alongside. It was like a mix of serene, majestic and colorful view often shown in fairy tales. Huge rocks lay over the barren grounds.

After much walking and discovering those magnanimous towers, I approached a fort which was made of white stones. At the back of my mind it looked as if Lotus Temple was reworked with joints, pillars and colored glass. I was mused and thought that that should have been left un- experimented.

When I entered the building, I found myself standing in a huge hall that was carpeted from wall to wall. Mustard and Red colored thick velvet covered the floor. I saw Madhavi standing- who? Someone who was named as Madhavi.

I do know someone by that name but this was not she..!! Further then, I saw myself crying holding her. I was filled with a sense of loss and she was smiling- not at me though. I heard knocks on my door and woke up.

The day had gone by without much activity. I had kept calling Anjum’s institute and her handphone throughout the day, without much success. In the evening, I had received a reply from the girl who I had sent a FB message for tracking Anjum the day before. She liked that how I had still remembered “her teacher” after all those years.. She too had tried to speak with her but without any response.

I had felt sad.. I would have loved to boast about Anjum; that I would anyways. Only, now they would be a thing of past. I noticed then, that her student’s name was Madhavi. So apparently, my dream was a pre- cognitive premonition?

I would have loved joining with her, yet again. If she had let me to; i.e.,

I had met her the day I had never talked about to anyone. I have carried that hurt for long now, wish to write them across soon. She had made me forget all that in an instant. Like a lightening, she had struck me with smiles and laughter. She had forcibly made me stay with her for the night too. I owe her. I would have probably shattered into minuscule particles had I not met her that day.

I held my tears back and did some self- medication. I would still remember of her the way I did before that; only, I won’t talk about her as gladly as I used to. Infact, I won’t at all..

Afternote: I have been able to locate Ranu Uniyal soon enough. Presently, in touch with her.





I wanted to paint it lilac,
You painted it a mundane Cream..
I wanted to hang serenes,
You put up the pics of our wedding..

I wanted a Wall beside me, One who would stand by me-
Dealing with the things before they touched me!!
Here I am, left with the Wall I had asked for-
Echoing my sorrows back at me.

You had hugged me tight
I had quivered with fear
The Wall would tell all
How I’s held against…

As I now look at the Wall
It looks back at me…
I ask him what went wrong
And it dumbly stares back at Me..

I had stood like a Wall,
Sheltering you from the Storms…
You stormed past me,
Leaving me stood like a wall..!!



Read Post- My 1st Marriage Anniversary. I had typed this verse before typing that post. My mind had made me write this 1st before the details were typed. What I had gone through, my thoughts and the after- thoughts; is what that post talks about..

This is about Domestic Violence, torture and cruelty that remains to be an inevitable part of most marriages even now.

I, My Marriage, and the Wall. How I had wanted a shoulder to cry upon; I am crying alright.!! How I had wanted to adorn the relationship with pride; how its existence still haunts me..


This Post/Poem wins the The Perfect Poet Award for week- 29/September, 2010.

The Perfect Poet Award- Week- 29, September- 2010


The Wall had become my best friend ever-

Silently watching me through my tears

Here again- it returns to me all

A tremendous Fly after that sad Fall..!!


Other Awards

My In- Mind Whirls Writes

free counters
%d bloggers like this: